


A Homesickness, A Lovesickness

by the_rogue_bitch



Series: The Yearning of the Sword [6]
Category: Bleach
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-04
Updated: 2014-04-04
Packaged: 2018-01-18 04:56:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1415848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_rogue_bitch/pseuds/the_rogue_bitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ichigo is overlong in Karakura, and Rukia is overlong away from Ichigo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Homesickness, A Lovesickness

_Roku-gatsu._

Ichigo ended up spending a little more than two weeks in Karakura. It seemed like everyone wanted a piece of him, and he was required to attend numerous summertime activities. There were picnics, fireworks, barbecues, trips to the beach, shopping, and just casual hangout time with Chad, Uryuu, and Orihime, other old school friends, and his family. His father had finally stopped ambushing him to test his skills, and they had a surprising number of serious talks. Karin and Yuzu talked to Ichigo about some of their ideas for the future, which made him feel proud and old at the same time.

Ichigo was dismayed at how grown up his sisters had become all of a sudden. Karin was still as sarcastic as ever, but her sharp wit was also evident in her position at the top of her class. Yuzu was very nearly the spitting image of their mother, up to and including the sweetness of her demeanor. This didn’t parse at all with the fact that she was dating Jinta, until Ichigo saw them together. Yuzu had somehow managed to get the boy to act like he had some manners. This didn’t stop Ichigo from having the ‘if you hurt her, I will beat you to death with a shovel’ talk with him.

“Yeah, yeah, Karin already told me,” Jinta said dismissively.

“Well, now I’m telling you. You don’t want two pissed-off Kurosakis on your ass, do you?”

“No.”

“And if you treat Yuzu the way you treat Ururu, I _will_ kill you. Am I making myself clear?”

“As crystal,” Jinta muttered with ill grace. 

“Good.” Ichigo said. 

Ichigo found Karakura Town much the same and he had a really good visit, but he realized that he didn’t fit as well as he used to. He kept hearing Rukia’s trenchant observations in his head, which made him smile and miss her.

Two weeks was more than long enough to be away from the Soul Society, and Rukia, however, so Ichigo made his goodbyes and left. It felt strangely normal to be back in his shihakusho (fundoshi aside), strapping Zangetsu on once more. He headed back to what he was increasingly beginning to consider his home.

The first thing he did, once he stowed the various items he brought back in his room, was go in search of Rukia.

Who was nowhere to be found. In fact, her entire squad was out, and Ichigo hoped it was just a routine patrol and not something he needed to worry about. He left her a note telling her he was back and headed to 6th to find Renji. Who was also out. Ichigo gave an exasperated sigh and started back to his room.

“Kurosaki,” said a voice behind him.

_Shit._

“Byakuya,” Ichigo replied, turning around. He enjoyed the very tiny wince the other man made at Ichigo’s familiarity.

“A word in my office, if you could spare a moment?”

How was it that Byakuya could make a request actually sound like a command? Maybe it was the bass in his tone, or the assumption that nobody would actually say no to him ever.

Ichigo nodded and followed Byakuya into his office. He knew he was supposed to feel menaced by the way the captain shut the door and sat behind his desk. Inwardly, Ichigo had to admire the psychological management tactics Byakuya was using. Outwardly, he just watched the other man, waiting for him to speak.

“A disturbing rumor has reached me regarding my sister’s association with you, and I would like you to lay it to rest.”

Ichigo maintained his silence. Two could play this game, and Ichigo had learned something of tactics himself in the past six years.

“Is it true that you are paying court to Kuchiki Fukutaichou, Kurosaki?”

 _And paying and paying,_ Ichigo thought, but said, “Why don’t you ask her?”

“I have. She told me to mind my own business.”

 _I’ll just bet she did._ Ichigo would have loved to have been a fly on the wall for _that_ conversation. Rukia maintained a level of respect for her adoptive older brother, but had long since ceased being intimidated by him.

“Why aren’t you honoring her request, then, instead of going behind her back to ask me?”

“Because, Kurosaki, I wish to know your intentions,” Byakuya looked as if he were holding on to his patience by the most slender of fraying threads. “I have heard she spent the night in your quarters, and I do not think I have to remind you of her position as Fukutaichou of Squad 13 and a member of the Kuchiki family.”

Jesus, where was Byakuya getting his information? Was he having Rukia followed? Ichigo wouldn’t have been surprised in the least. He folded his arms and glared at Byakuya.

“First of all, Rukia is her own person and can make her own decisions about who she associates with. Second of all, the only reason she spent the night in my room was because she came to see me after my reiatsu exam and ended up taking care of me. I slept it off and when I woke up the next morning, she was still there, asleep. On the floor.”

Byakuya continued his silent regard of Ichigo.

“And third of all, my intentions? I intend, as you so quaintly put it, to court Rukia until she agrees to marry me.”

Byakuya closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, letting out a pained sigh.

“I know very well the futility of standing between you and what you want. Although it aggravates me in the extreme to contemplate the prospect of having you as a brother-in-law, let alone agree with you, you are right. Rukia is her own person and is capable of making her own decisions, distasteful though I might find them. I would ask, then, for her sake and not mine, that you utilize discretion, if you possess such an ability. I do not wish her authority to be undermined due to her off-duty activities.”

Ichigo digested this, finding his way through the maze of unnecessary words to get to Byakuya’s point.

“We’ve _been_ discreet.”

“Then I suggest you exercise discretion more rigorously. Rukia was seen leaving by a number of the students that share your compound.”

“We aren’t going to sneak around just to preserve your comfort level,” Ichigo stated.

“All I ask is that there be no flagrant or compromising displays from you.”

What kind of guy did Byakuya think he was? It’s not like he was making out with Rukia on a table in the middle of the dining hall during mealtime, for god’s sake. He opened his mouth to snap out a retort, then closed it. He realized that this was Byakuya’s version of the same speech Ichigo had given Jinta days before. Albeit with more emphasis on the family reputation and duty, but still.

Could it be that Byakuya was actually feeling protective of Rukia?

It was a bit late for that.

“I understand your concerns,” Ichigo said calmly. A quickly-controlled look of shock crossed Byakuya’s face. “I will take them under consideration. Are we done here?”

Byakuya inclined his head silently, and Ichigo left his office. Once outside, he leaned against a wall and let out a huge sigh of relief.

 _That went better than I expected,_ he mused. He thought he’d done pretty well, despite the fact that he had been completely unprepared for the conversation. He had even managed to keep his temper in check and sound somewhat mature.

Ichigo felt at loose ends after that. He decided to head over to the Soul Academy and see if there were any classes he could observe and help teach.

**

Renji stopped by after dinner. Ichigo’s disappointment that he wasn’t Rukia must have been evident, because Renji said, “Well, hey, I can leave,” and Ichigo said quickly, “No, no! I have stuff for you. Let’s sit outside, where it’s cooler.”

Renji sat on the steps and Ichigo left his door open to circulate the night air while he gathered up the things he brought back for Renji.

“Here, get started with this,” Ichigo handed Renji a sixpack of beer that had been sitting in cold water in the sink. Renji looked surprised, but it didn’t stop him from popping open a can and taking a swig. Then Ichigo came out with a big box and set it on a step before he sat down with a beer of his own.

“What’s that?”

“Open it and see,” Ichigo urged, grinning.

Renji pulled apart the top flaps and looked inside. His eyes widened and he whooped with glee. “What the hell -- ?” he gestured at the box, unable to speak for laughing.

Piled nearly to the top of the box was a profusion of goggles of every color and kind.

“Chad, Orihime, my sisters, and Uryuu have been collecting them for you since my last visit,” Ichigo said. “They wanted to make sure you had enough, since you break so many.”

“More than enough!” Renji was still beaming. “I wish I could thank them.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t be so quick to do that. You haven’t seen the ones Orihime picked out.”

Renji snickered and took a drink of beer. “And you brought beer because?”

“It seemed fair, since the goggles had been taken care of. And I like beer.”

“No argument here.”

“So where’s Rukia?”

“I’m surprised that wasn’t the first thing you asked me,” Renji smirked. Ichigo scowled at him.

“Her squad had to go out to one of the further villages to deal with a minor incursion. She left a few days ago.”

“Crap,” mumbled Ichigo, disappointed.

“Well, you stayed away longer than you said you were going to, and Rukia does have a job to do.”

“I know,” Ichigo shook his head, ruefully. “Everybody wanted to do stuff with me and I wanted to make time for all of them. I shouldn’t stay away so long, everything changes too much.”

“Like what?”

“Well, Yuzu is dating that brat of Urahara’s, Jinta.”

Renji choked on his beer, managing to swallow it with difficulty.

“Are you shitting me?”

“I wish I were. Yuzu is really good for him, though. He treats her well. Of course, Karin and I both put the fear of god into him. He’ll watch his step.”

“What about Karin?”

“Not dating, concentrating on her studies. She wants to get a business degree. It’s just so surprising how grown up they are, with boyfriends and future plans.”

Renji nodded.

“Orihime and Uryuu are getting married.”

“Good for them! I knew Orihime wouldn’t moon over you forever,” Renji said. Ichigo looked perplexed.

“What? What the hell does that mean?”

Renji laughed. “It figures everyone else would notice but you. Orihime has had a crush on you for as long as I’ve known you both. Or, well, she _had_ a crush on you.”

Ichigo looked genuinely baffled by this revelation.

“Ichigo, you are such a moron.”

“How was I supposed to know?” Ichigo snapped, face red. “It’s not like she ever said anything to me!”

“I take it back. You’re not just a moron, you’re a fucking idiot.”

Ichigo looked angry and took a long drink of beer.

“Why would Orihime say anything to someone so clearly oblivious? And after a while it was obvious you were into Rukia, so apparently she gave up,” Renji said.

“I wish I’d known,” Ichigo lamented.

“Why? Would you be with Orihime now instead of Rukia if you did?”

Ichigo thought about this. Then he shook his head.

“Maybe if I’d known a long time ago, like when we were still in school. But I don’t think we would have stayed together, even so. I’m just sad that I might have hurt Orihime. She deserves someone who makes her feel like she’s the center of their universe. I couldn’t do that, but Uryuu does. She obviously feels the same way about him, even if he wasn’t her first choice.”

“That’s awfully generous of you, Ichigo,” Renji said sarcastically, and Ichigo kicked him in the shoulder from his seat on the top step.

“When I saw them together, it was pretty plain they really cared about each other,” Ichigo said. “It was...it was actually kind of beautiful. Uryuu treasures Orihime in a way I never could.”

Seeing the gentle and loving dynamic that Orihime and Uryuu had between them made Ichigo wonder if he would ever have that with Rukia. They had no need to test one another or navigate their way through layers of emotional shielding. They were just -- together. Ichigo envied that simplicity.

“When is the wedding?” Renji asked, snapping Ichigo out of his reverie.

“Oh, October. You’re invited, of course. Uryuu’s dad will probably have a heart attack at all the Soul Reapers attending his son’s wedding. I think Uryuu is secretly looking forward to that.”

“And Chad, what’s he up to?”

“Gigging with his band and working at a guitar store. I went to a couple of shows and his band isn’t too bad.”

“It sounds like everyone’s doing okay. That’s good,” said Renji.

“And then of course the first person I ran into when I got back was Byakuya,” Ichigo said, and Renji froze for a second.

“What happened?” he asked casually.

“A surprising amount of nothing. He invited me into his office to interrogate me about my intentions and to tell me to be discreet to preserve the family name and not undermine Rukia’s authority. All based on someone telling him that Rukia spent the night in my room once.”

“She did what?”

“Nothing happened. She stopped by after I had my reiatsu exam and took care of me, and then ended up falling asleep on the floor. Apparently somebody in the compound saw her leaving in the morning and reported it to Byakuya.”

“Shitty,” Renji said. Ichigo shrugged.

“While it’s not how I would have preferred that Byakuya find out about me and Rukia, we did manage to have a civilized conversation about it.”

“It also explains his foul temper all this afternoon,” Renji replied.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize to me. Be sorry for the new recruits. A couple of them have broken arms from sparring with the Captain.”

Ichigo winced. “Damn.”

“I don’t think they minded. Taichou so seldom actually trains with the cadets that they probably thought it was an honor.”

“That’s sick.”

“It’s the way things are. You know that. You have to be tough to be in the Gotei.”

“I paid my dues. And I don’t think I’ll be using corporal punishment as a teaching tool.”

“Do you have any idea what sort of classes you’ll be teaching when you graduate?”

“I don’t. This year is supposed to be where we student teach at the Academy on rotation. We have to do one of each class...although I’m pretty sure I won’t end up teaching a class on reiatsu control.”

Renji smirked.

“I guess we’ll be assigned wherever we do best. Or where we request to be put, if there’s agreement.”

“Do you like it? Teaching?” Renji looked skeptical.

“I do, actually. I didn’t think I would be any good at it, but my instructors say I have an aptitude. The younger students seem to like me.”

“I just can’t imagine deciding _not_ to be a Soul Reaper after being one for any length of time.”

“I wouldn’t want to have to fight you to be Fukutaichou of 6th,” Ichigo replied. Renji laughed.

“I think the last squad you’d want to be part of would be 6th. And some promotions _do_ happen on merit.”

“It still stands. I’d have to go through my friends to have a seated position, and I can’t do that. I can still contribute as a teacher. As long as I have Zangetsu, I can still do Shinigami work when I’m needed.”

Renji toasted Ichigo with his beercan. “Fair enough. Just don’t let that cushy academic job make you soft.”

“How could I? I’ve got you around to kick my ass back into shape if I do.”

“Damn right. What are friends for, anyway?”

**

It had been nearly a month since Ichigo had seen Rukia, and the longer she was out on assignment, the more worried Ichigo became. This was a deeper worry, with its claws firmly embedded in their burgeoning closeness. He worried more because he now felt like he had more to lose.

The war had left its mark on Ichigo, as it had everyone involved. He sometimes had nightmares, although they had been receding with time. But with Rukia gone, the nightmares returned with greater intensity. Even working himself into exhaustion student-teaching the weapons classes only gave him an hour or two of true rest. Then his mental cinema would replay parts of the war, starring Rukia in every scenario, distant, tormented, and beyond his help. He would jerk awake, gasping for air, unable to go back to sleep.

Ichigo took to sitting on his steps after waking, shivering with adrenaline comedown, unwilling to return to his bed. He was sometimes out there until dawn, when the daylight drove away the darkness and allowed him to pull himself together.

This night was no exception. He was driven from his bed by another vivid nightmare and crouched on his steps, arms wrapped around his knees, shaking. It was close and humid, but Ichigo couldn’t feel the warmth through his tremors. “God, Rukia,” Ichigo muttered, putting his face in his hands. “Just come home.”

“Ichigo, what are you doing awake at this hour?”

Ichigo’s head snapped up. Rukia stood a little way down the path, head tilted in curiosity, hand on the hilt of her zanpakuto. Before he knew what he was doing, Ichigo sprinted off his steps and threw his arms around her, lifting her off her feet. He held her with panicked desperation and kissed her long and hard. Then he set her down, and tucked his face into her neck, smelling dust and sweat and Rukia, solid and real. His eyes stung.

Rukia had put her arms around Ichigo when he picked her up. She stroked his hair. “What’s wrong?”

“I was so worried,” Ichigo said, voice muffled. “I’ve been having such nightmares.”

“Let’s sit,” Rukia took Ichigo’s hand and led him back to the steps. They sat, Ichigo right next to Rukia instead of a step above or below her. He held both of her hands tightly in his.

“How long have you been back?” Ichigo tried to calm down, but his relief was so vast he had a hard time catching his breath.

“Not long. I came here as soon as I got everyone settled.”

“In the middle of the night? What were you thinking, Kuchiki Fukutaichou?” Ichigo looked over at her, a half-smile on his face.

“I was thinking that I would let you know that I had returned safely. Nothing more.”

“Even at this advanced hour of the evening?”

Rukia smiled at Ichigo’s teasing. “You were not the only one worried. You stayed in the Living World a lot longer than I thought you would.”

“I’m sure I was safer.”

“You could have been hit by a bus.”

“That seems pretty unlikely.”

“About as unlikely as my getting hurt on a routine patrol.”

“Renji said it was an incursion and your whole squad was gone. I know the difference, Rukia.”

Rukia blew her hair out of her face in annoyance.

“I did not come here to fight with you, Ichigo. I came to let you know I had returned safely. I’m sorry that my absence worried you and caused the nightmares to come again.”

Ichigo raised Rukia’s hands to his lips, then rested his forehead on her knuckles, eyes closed. He exhaled.

“Thank you for coming to tell me you were home.”

Rukia took her hands out of Ichigo’s and cupped his chin in her palms, raising his face to hers. She kissed Ichigo and heat surged through him. He wrapped his arms around Rukia and pulled her onto his lap, too relieved to be embarrassed at how evident it was that he wanted her. Rukia squirmed around until she was straddling his thighs, facing him, her fingers tangled up in Ichigo’s hair.

“Rukia,” Ichigo gasped. “Stay. Sleep with me. Keep the nightmares away.”

“No. No, Ichigo, I can’t. I can’t.” Rukia pulled Ichigo’s head away from hers and stared into his face, expression longing and conflicted. Ichigo drew her closer to him, sliding her across his arousal. She caught her breath, clutching at his shirt.

“Please, Rukia. I need you with me. I haven’t slept well since I got back. I want you in bed with me,” Ichigo whispered between frantic kisses, moving his hips, rubbing against Rukia’s heat. He knew he wasn’t playing fair. He didn’t care. He didn’t want to let go of her warmth or the sheer reality of her being there. He didn’t want to wake reaching for her and find her nothing but a vanished dream. Not again. He wanted all of her. Right now.

Rukia pulled away and dropped her head onto his shoulder, shuddering. She took a deep breath.

“No. Ichigo, _stop_.” she said firmly. Ichigo stopped. They were both panting as if they had run a race. Rukia lifted her head, smiling weakly.

“You and I both know very well what would happen if I were to come to bed with you right now,” she said. Ichigo nodded. He felt like an abyss of need.

“It’s not that I don’t want to. But I can’t. I have a duty to my squad and Taichou.” Rukia slid reluctantly off Ichigo’s lap and placed her hand on his chest, over his heart. “I don’t want to come to you like this, filthy and exhausted, with responsibility weighing on my mind, distracting me. Do you understand?”

“I do,” Ichigo said quietly, pressing Rukia’s hand with his. “I’m sorry if I went too far too fast. I just -- I just haven’t slept well in so long. I almost don’t believe that you’re here, that you’re not a dream.”

Rukia leaned forward to kiss him, and he met her halfway. She bit down hard on his lower lip, and he grunted, recoiling, tasting blood and feeling his lip swell.

“I’m real,” Rukia said. “When you wake up tomorrow, that will still be there, and I will still be here.”

“You are a perverse little sadist, you know that?” 

“And you are no longer worried about nightmares or planning to ravish me, are you?”

“Not much,” Ichigo muttered, rubbing the back of his hand over his mouth. “I _do_ understand the meaning of ‘no’, Rukia. I stopped, didn’t I?”

“You did. And you have nothing to be sorry for. I enjoyed such an enthusiastic welcome. It’s never happened to me before. Thank you.” She stepped away from him, raking her fingers through her hair, and he stood. Rukia looked up at him. “But do you think you might sleep? Even if it _is_ without me?”

“I will now,” Ichigo was extremely reluctant to let Rukia go, despite the fact that she had just bitten him hard enough to draw blood. Or maybe it was because of that. There were few things more absolute than a physical wound.

He leaned down and kissed her again, gently, his lower lip extra-sensitive to the contact. He shivered a little as Rukia turned away, letting her fingers slide through Ichigo’s until their hands dropped.

“I will come and see you as soon as I can get away, Ichigo. Good night.”

“Good night, Rukia.” _I love you,_ Ichigo thought. _Thank you for being real. Thank you for coming home safely. Thank you for coming to me._

Ichigo fell into a deep sleep as soon as his head hit the pillow, thanks to Rukia’s method of derailing both his fear and his lust. He slept for 12 dreamless hours. 

As soon as he woke, Ichigo ran his tongue across the tender swollen skin of his lip, and smiled slightly, shaking his head. Real enough.

**Author's Note:**

> "A poem...begins as a lump in the throat, a sense of wrong, a homesickness, a lovesickness...It finds the thought and the thought finds the words." -- Robert Frost, in a letter to Louis Untermeyer, January 1, 1916.
> 
> Bless you all for the kudos I find every morning, I'm glad people are enjoying my radical retelling of the epic love story of Ichigo and Rukia!


End file.
